My husband, my king

I used to feel very guilty about how I should relate to my husband. If I said he is my best friend, I thought: “But shouldn’t that title only belong to Jesus?” If I told him he is my biggest blessing in this world I thought, “But shouldn’t that title be reserved only for Jesus?”

A month ago, however, in prayer with my Father, I had this wonderful and consuming desire to make Nel, my husband, the king of our kingdom (our family and home), in all areas pertaining to family and home life: in our finances, in the management of the home, in the discipline of our child(ren). I felt like I wanted to treat him as a king, with reverence. I started thinking how one would be toward a king. Wouldn’t you want to make your king the most delicious and appetizing meals? Wouldn’t you want to wake him with hot coffee in the morning, because it is the only way he will be able to get up and start his day? Would I ever challenge my king in public on his choices or his way of disciplining his children? Or would I rather wait till we are in bed… and tell him gently and lovingly? Would I tell my king how he should spend his money all the time just because there is a strict budget?

At the same time I realized that I am his queen. I won’t just let him make bad choices, because his kingdom would be at stake and therefore his reputation. I am his adviser, not the decision-maker. My job is to get everything in order so that he can make wise decisions; to make sure his day runs smoothly; to decorate his life with jewels of special surprises that he likes. I speak highly of him in front of the children so that they will also reverence him and love him and feel proud about him.

For the last month, as far as I possibly could, this has been what I have done. I cannot describe how it has helped me to be submissive to my husband, to respect him and to love him. What has motivated me the most is the fact that I am pleasing my Father whom I love. I have realized by treating my husband as my king, I am in fact treating Jesus as my King, because I am respecting Him and loving and obeying His command.

In Ephesians 5:18-33 Paul explains the profound mystery of the fact that the union of a man and a woman in marriage is a symbol of the union between Christ and His bride, the church. Because this is true, he exhorts us to “submit to our husbands as to the Lord.” By treating my husband as a king, I am correctly showing that Christ is the King of the church and that He is also my King. In verse 18, Paul says that we should “be filled with the Spirit.” This is an epilogue to the section on the relationship between a husband and his wife, because by submitting to our husbands we are being filled by the Spirit. One pastor explained this in a wedding sermon and I could just rejoice at this explanation, because since I have decided to treat my husband as the king of our kingdom, the Holy Spirit has been by my side to help me. He encourages me to put aside my plans for the day when my husband needs something to be done. He helps me not to procrastinate in the things which my husbands asks of me to do. He also gives me helpful hints, such as buying candles for our room to create a romantic atmosphere, having a picnic outside, making myself beautiful, looking after and loving the dogs that my husband loves so much. I have stopped nagging my husband about not spending outside of our budget (here I also received help from the Spirit) and I have started making delicious and interesting meals. And when my husband comes in during my quiet time and wants some intimacy, I delight in it - and no longer grumble because this is the only time I have with the Lord! – because in that very act I am pleasing and worshipping the Lord.

I praise the Lord daily for making me aware of this. It has been so liberating and I can see the positive effects in our marriage. Every day I am falling more and more in love with my husband and every day I am loving him more and more. What a wonderful God and Saviour we serve who gave us such a relationship in which we can learn about how to relate to Him and how to please Him!

Grace and peace to you,
Rosa

P.S Christ is our ultimate authority and the one to whom both my husband and I submit. If my husband sins, I can gently show him the error in his ways, referring to the Word. If he expects me to sin I should also submit first and foremost to Christ and to His Word.

Here is an article which echoes my discovery:

Little Women

By: Zephyr Pearl

Pleasing Those You Love

I remember, as a young girl, my mother doing everyday things for Daddy, because Daddy was special. When he came home from work as an airplane pilot, Mom would have the house clean, supper prepared, the table set, and each of us six kids eagerly anticipating Dad’s arrival.

Mom would rush around like a giddy teenager in love, dabbing on a bit of Heaven Scent (Dad’s favorite perfume) as she scurried about. I remember so clearly her always preparing one of “Dad’s favorite” meals. I don’t know if that was her intent, but she was teaching us kids not just by words, but by actions, too.

As I got older, I would leave little “goodbye notes” that I sneaked into Dad’s flightbag the night before he left on a trip. Sometimes, my sisters and I would slip downstairs at 4:30 am and make him a simple breakfast of eggs and toast. Dad would send us postcards from his different destinations, even though we didn’t receive them until days after he had returned home. There were times when we all went with him on a three-day flight to someplace far away and exciting. Everything Mom did centered around pleasing Dad and making him happy. Mom’s little gestures of love did much more than make a happy husband. She was making happy little wives and a happy home, as well.

Today, I am now a wife and mother. I find myself doing these same things; and my daughters are following in my steps, learning from me, and perpetuating the tradition of love. Laura, our first child, now four-and-a-half years old, is constantly trying to buy this thing or that for her Daddy, because she knows “it is his favorite.” When we go to the local country store, she always gets two fireballs—one for her and one for Daddy.

As I write this, we are in the last month of our three-month stay in Honduras. The kids and I take a daily trek into town early, because it gets hot here well before noon. By the time we get to town, the kids are hot and thirsty, so they occasionally get to pick out a box drink from the store’s cooler. Needless to say, they don’t have all the commodities here that we do in the States. Well, Laura picked out the Honduran version of a Starbucks frappuccino that looked as if it had been sitting there for a couple of years. As we paid for it, she eagerly opened the straw and started slurping it down. “Mmm, this is sooo good,” she said, as we walked home discussing iguanas, whale sharks, airplanes, and other various and random subjects. Then, out of the blue, she stopped sucking on her straw and stated, “I am going to save the rest for Daddy and surprise him when he gets back from diving, because frappuccino is Daddy’s favorite.” When we got home, Laura carefully hid her drink box in the fridge, so Daddy couldn’t find it, and then went to take her afternoon nap. While she was sleeping, I tested the drink to make sure it was palatable. I gagged and spit it into the sink, quickly guzzling some orange juice to kill the taste. When Nathan got home, I warned him of what was to come. Laura woke up soon after and hurried excitedly to get Daddy’s treat. While she was busy making sure his eyes were closed for the surprise, I rushed to pour him a generous serving of OJ. The look of happiness, pleasure, and joy on Laura’s face as she watched Nathan choke down the drink was priceless. My girl’s Daddy is her knight in shining armor, and that is how it should be. My mother’s example is bearing fruit.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/marriage-family/mothers-women/article-display/archive/2007/june/15/little-women/